Wilmington Post-Election Meltdown

Once again, those idealists with dreams of serving the best interest of the local citizen, with well thought plans of budget-saving measures and tax relief, were put in their place by a small band of voters armed with nothing more than the desperate desire for status.

"...and the best part is, they don't even care that we're milking this town dry!"

As the numbers rolled in at the New Hanover County Government Center last night, it became clear what motivates the typical Wilmington voter. One would think that an incumbent whose legacy is swanky junkets on the taxpayer dime would be turned out handily by voters. Not so fast - this is Wilmington, after all. Laura Padgett, the timeless fixture on Wilmington City Council likes to travel on public money so much, that a new set of rules had to be enacted to keep her in check. After going through all of the council's budget for travel, she demanded more - since her presence at the International Shoelace Makers BBQ, Wine Tasting, and Beauty Pageant in Aukland, New Zealand is imperative to our very economic survival here in the Cape Fear region (or is it the Riverfront Beaches and Island Coastal Estuaries and Salty Marshlands and Bad Traffic and Roads region? I always forget...).

However, the opinion was clear that voting Padgett had its social benefits. Pity the poor sap who dares go against the grain and vote an outsider. This is the very purpose of our elections, after all - one must demonstrate one's worth in the social arena. Can you imagine attending the annual Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend Ball at the Cape Fear Country Club next year and not have a history of Padgett votes to your credit? Ahh... the horror. One may be inclined to think that such a person has no place amongst the elite establishment. Social suicide indeed.

The queen of last night's ball was none other than Madam Margaret Haynes, draped in designer fare from head to toe, with cheeks armed and willing to receive the barrage of showy kisses from the ostentatious gallery of  artificial idiots. Haynes, who has proudly proclaimed that those who do not support her fail to do so simply because of their intellectual deficits and departure from intelligence, was ensconced by a faithful entourage of 60-something look-alikes, short silvery hair and gaudy jewelry sure to lure onlookers into a false sense of intellectuality. Those who believe in the heresies of limited government and fiscal constraint, are nothing but hapless peasants who are to be treated with the greatest disdain, and offer little social reward in entertaining; and social reward is the driving force behind Haynes. With her signature dark beady eyes and painfully forced smile she searches high and low for it - as do the loyal dolts that could not wait to replant her once again on city council for four more years of pretentious fabulousness.

Neil Anderson, the newest import on the social totem pole made his concessions early to the round table of kingmakers, and was swept into office ala O'Grady. Anderson, who speaks in slow Southern tenor, played the part of a working class conservative well throughout his quest for social.... errr... political office. Even well-known local conservatives were heard vouching for his name on the ballot. However, a simple glance at Anderson's campaign reports reveal the truth. The same wealth and power machine with pure disgust for anything conservative and fiscally responsible funded the entire Anderson affair. In fact, Anderson's reports read almost identical to none other than Padgett and Madam Haynes. Support such as this almost guarantees one a seat at the table, but does not come cheap. Those seasoned power brokers that hold out campaign cash in exchange for favorable representation are far too experienced to make the mistake of accidentally supporting someone with true conservative integrity.

One could not help but also notice the obvious display of  kinship and alliance between the Anderson and Haynes camps throughout the campaign. Poll volunteers report each candidate's campaign team pitching for one another at early voting locations. Haynes, known for her utter contempt for all things conservative, would never align with someone she would describe as a dirty unintellectual conservative simpleton. Therefore, the Anderson charade must be called into question, as this was certainly his effort in making nice with the elitist snob cartel in order to curry favor in local social circles.

And of course, like time-honored clockwork, the Saffo coronation ceremony was in full swing at last night's event. Perfectly timed with the flash of fawning media cameras, King and Queen Saffo made their grand entrance, expertly working through the crowd of desperate socialites praying for a chance to kiss a ring, cheek, hand - anything - just to be seen among their peers and idols. Queen Saffo was loyally positioned at Herr Billy's side, marionette strings hardly showing, shooting off plastic smiles and accolades - endless hours of rehearsal paying off dividends to that effect. Media robots scurried over each other for the chance to garner favor with their masters with a chance shot of glorious pomp and circumstance - or a couple of witty one-liners, for the sad masses that vicariously prove their worth with pseudo-celebrity mush.

The revelation that Saffo stands to personally profit from the current Skyway Bridge plans had zero effect on his cred as the glittering, shiny-haired superstar of local fame. The desperate throngs dutifully rushed to the polls to proclaim their unyielding support for photo ops and ribbon cuttings.

It didn't take long for the Monday morning quarterbacking to begin Wednesday morning. One morning talk radio show featured the same weekly media hack, positioned for this occasion as an "expert", analyzing why newcomer conservatives such as Joshua Fulton came up short in the race. The agreed upon diagnosis was that he was assumed among voters as being the city council equivalent to Commissioner Brian Berger; conveniently ignoring the historical fact that all outsiders that don't fit the cloned mold of social stalwart and willing idiot to the great power structure of the Wilmington political complex are rejected by voters in Wilmington. Where is the great social payoff in electing someone that isn't a Gold-level member of the Cameron Art Museum? What is to be gained by a limited government candidate not seen at the head table of the GWBJ Power Breakfast events? Someone not affiliated with WID would be a waste of time. After all, what are local elections about if not to serve as a referendum on who carries the most societal credit?

Congratulations Wilmington. You have once again proved without a doubt that you are nothing but an unoriginal mass of society whores, with nothing short of pure disdain for factual and calculated voting based on choosing the best fresh perspectives to solve the issues that face us everyday. A conservative candidate not chosen in this circus of plastic pageantry should hold their head high, and take pride in their intact character.